Monday, 7 December 2009

Best way to masturbate (EXCLUSIVE for MEN)

As a way of apologizing for accusing you men as idiots, I would like to share a way that you could use to relax/pleasure your brain ops... your brother, manhood, [fill in the blank with the name you use to call your dick]


See the picture above?? Seems like someone who's familiar to you (I know you guys won't admit that looks like yourself one)
So when you masturb, what you do??
Is the below photo looks familiar to you??

According to Aaron(my BJJ's mate), he says that men normally use some lubricants such as lotion, hand/face cream, baby oil, vaseline, KY or whatever they could find to apply on their dicks before the massage motion starts!

Then, what you guys do??
Massage up and down with your hands???
Hello brothers! Our treasures down there are totally different from the shapes and size of your palms dear...
So how to create the 'hole,' huh?
I know sex shops sell artificial vagina too but then those are just too 'dry' and of rubber/plastic - not nice.

Let me introduce you a way to create the substitute pussy to those who in 'need' but cannot find a partner due to he is single, his girlfriend run away, pissed up his girlfriend, no sex before marriage, religion issue or etc. etc. etc.

To create the artificial pussy, you'll need:-
  • One fresh cucumber (yes, you read it right)
  • A horny adult man
*18 and above only, no kids are allow to try this at home*




  1. Put the cucumber into fridge for about one and a half hour.
  2. Bring the cucumber out and wash the cucumber thoroughly with clean water.
  3. Cut out about 2 inches of the cucumber bottom and throw it away (or you could eat it- don't waste!)
  4. Slowly dig a hole with about 1-1.5 inches (size vary based on the size of your penis) in diameter (using whatever tools that you are convenient with, you could try teaspoon or chopstick) in the middle of the cucumber. It should look something like the picture below except the hole is smaller.
  5. 5: Put your already harden dick into the hole and hump on it as what you normally do while having sex or masturbating. (You'll know what I mean!)
[WARNING: only dig a small hole in the middle to fits you 'brother' in, cos your 'brother' isn't that huge; do admit it and please DO NOT cut the cucumber into short rolls like picture below, cos our pussies are not that shallow!]


*Forgive me for not able to get a better picture. Cos I can't find it on internet*

You may as me why cucumber and not other vegetables?
Simple. The soft, watery and cooling flesh of the cucumber almost resemble the feeling of our treasures. Plus when you pushing in and out, the cucumber would be able to provide you a feeling of 'being sucked' back to the cucumber!

Someone who has tried this before told me that the feeling with this humble cucumber is million times better than having an intercourse. Jennifer's Believe It Or Not!



Still don't believe the power of this humble cucumber? Or still wondering if you should trust me? No harm to trust me and give it a try dude!
Try this and enjoy!


If you don't mind, whoever who has tried this before, or try after read this post, I hope you could share with me your experience.

54 comments:

  1. I am not dirty... just not-so-clean LOL

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  2. DAMN! You sure know a lot about these "kinda" stuff ;) Your research skills must be excellent!

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  3. Wow so Experience! Nice Tips

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  4. Jimmy - I am not experience la. I dun have 'brother' one

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  5. J - I am really good in doing research hehe

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  6. OMG...haha..i can't believe...haha. nice 1.

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  7. ..lol! :P Now i understand..haha..no wonder ur tweet ..

    RT:wow wow...cucumbers would be selling great after this

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  8. hehe Isley & Willy. I would like to ask u guys to try and tell me how u guys feel? hehe

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  9. I thought cucumber is only for girls?

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  10. ineed house do have artificial pussy

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  11. JennC, you forgot that girls can use the cucumber as dildos too. :P

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  12. Jen @ Bebee; oh is it??
    hmm...gonna do research on it

    Jen @ Eu Jin; I know that but you may risk the cucumber breaks, and get stuck inside!

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  13. Jen, I think when you goto the emergency ward, the nurses would know what to do. I have a gut feeling that it's not so uncommon for that to happen. :P

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  14. Good Idea. I want to try, u want help me record the video and share in blog. LOLs

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  15. but i don't use any lotion or whatever cream! xD need meh? :P

    tho doing it in the bathroom with shampoo on feels better... huhuhu :P

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  16. Suck with own mouth will feel better...huhuhuhu ;p

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  17. good anonymous... I dun mind but I will bring whole team to go to your place to do the recording. you dun be shy k?

    conan_cat - at least with shampoo...as lubes

    fantasyD - i wonder how u suck ur own dick??

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  18. I dun mind if the whole team are girls to go my place do recording IF they dare watch. sure i wont be shy.

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  19. yes whole team are female. I will bring all 50-60 year-old aunties... they definitely not shy hehe

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  20. no problem, IF you able to find 50-60 aunties..lols. they will be shy to watch a young guy nude in front them also.

    so when? or you just kidding? lols

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  21. serious? if u cant find any auntie then u will do recording alone, ok? i will also demo any other masturbate method if u able to think of & ready the tools. lols. did i scare u? lolx

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  22. no tools la...
    i get ready with my gadgets...while u get ready with ur tools... I already got 5 aunties now... u ok?

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  23. gadgets? such as? I tot u ready with cucumbers. lols. 5 only? more also no problem IF they not shy to watch. I even let them touch or play. lols.

    so where and when? lols.

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  24. use mouth to suck. but only can suck my 1/3 dick. suck dickhead is high enough to suck until cum.

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  25. anonymous - you are getting kinky. dun wan talk to u d

    fantasyD - I am talking about masturbating. pls dun talk dirty =(

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  26. kinky? I juz want to let u take photo to share in ur blog with people interest to know. then share the feeling when trying it.

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  27. haiya? but i only show the whole progress by masturbating using cucumber, canot show my face.

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  28. canot? what u mean?

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  29. jen c - anyone show u if this works?

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  30. @ Anonymous - of course it works. I got it from real life, real story. It's someone's creativity you know

    @ cleondann - welcome

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  31. can I post photo to you to share other method for DIY? can show real dick? or only can demo using banana?

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  32. Err... there are so many artificial pussies in Japan. I guess it's not in Malaysia. I'm lucky enough to know about it and not having to buy/use any I guess ;-)

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  33. @ Jonny - u r definitely lucky for not need to try my cucumber method
    lol

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  34. @ anonymous - more than welcome. I dun mind if you share real dick or if you are shy you may use banana only haha... Email me ok? jenniferchaify@gmail.com

    would wait for your email dear....

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  35. @Jenni
    sure I will demo with my real dick. but make sure u put on blog to share with friends here, okay?;)

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  36. @ Anonymous - if you dare to send. I dare to post. =)

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  37. i just tried, and it felt so bad the texture insde cucumber is not that soft, it felt like throbing wooden hole. damn!

    ym id: guy27kl@yahoo.com

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  38. damn girl i want to fuck you =[

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  39. @jenni
    can you show me your tit?
    e

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  40. that very informative... ANd yes... Pussy Simulators are available inthe market :)

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  41. Guys if you want good ways to masturbate go to www.jackinworld.com they have great ways. And jen i think you a sexay grl! !!!XDXD email me ArtemisFowl2435@gmail.com

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  42. I love using my palms and saliva to masturbating

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  43. i'm thinking dual purpose ... cuke in vajayjay and peter in cuke at same time ... save on condoms too !

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